flashback

urgh strange flash backs for a little girl? what does that even mean.. she looks familiar :/ she keep cutting herself.. why? seriously dont get thisss.. urgh -_- i hate this

suicide?

had suicidal thought this moring.. missed college for the first time :/... some ex freidnds and people are having to be telling me they're gonna do something '' watch out'' dunno :/
having strange thought about everything :/
wanna buy a blade but kina can't probs tomorrow.. i dont think he replied my meanful message or something has happened idk.. i think he hate mes anything.. he didnt say my name to hanging out.. or fave friend haha :/ i should just give up on him but why can't i? cause he ma ''mate'' idk anymore :/ can't i just die gosh.. why am i so down for? even much can't save me no more :L

relapsed

i had been clean for 2 months i tired really hard to love my life to love my life but i failed i failed at keeping the blade from my skin but i feel much better now knowing that i realized everything out watch the blood flow out made me feel like a human again..

i hate being stuck in my mind but its hard when in real life you know that your friend are friends with people that want you head. knowing that your best friend doesn't give a shit no more. everything feels like it repeating... just wanna get away from everyone... away from all my ''friends'' i just wanna be alone but im just never alone :(

i relapsed and im scared that i might fall to deep and trying to kill myself again or hurt an innocent person again... im scared of going insane again

but its not like anyone would care but right now i dont want to die but i feel like it'll end whatever i am feeling
ill stay of facebook and stop going to my martial arts class just want to stay away from everyone hopefully people will forget me and then i can leave :(